Love is blind
by LadyBird
Summary: Can it be wrong to love somebody? What are the consequences of loving too much? COMPLETED
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: All the characters used in this story are the sole property of J.K Rowling (and some other big company whose name I do not remember. Sorry, no insults intended, just my bad memory). They are not mine. I take credit for the characters' actions and thoughts in this story, though (often used as they are). A/N: This is a "Snape is Harry's father" type of fic. I tried to make it believable. This is a story about Lily, Voldemort, James and Severus. And I wanted to make it a story about love. I don't know if I succeeded, it is for you to decide. 

**Lady of Darkness**

"Behold the Dark Lady!"

Voldemort's voice boomed over the room, bouncing upon the backs of the kneeling figures. 

"Behold Her, who is my daughtre and my Heir, carring the bloodline of the mighty Slytherin!"

Severus Snape looked enchantedly at the woman next to Lord Voldemort. Unlike the Death Eaters she had no hood covering her face and her robes were quite revealing. 

She was a blinding beauty with impossible green eyes, bazing red hair and alabaster skin. 

For a moment it seemed to Severus that he had seen her somewhere…

The feeling passed – no way could he have seen such beauty and not remembered. She was… He could not find words.

In front of the hall Voldemort continued:

"You shall call Her the Dark Lady and you shall honour Her and kneel before Her like before myself."

The Dark Lord surveyed the room obviously statisfyed with the impression his heir had made. 

Severus looked carefully around. Most of the Death Eaters could not get their eyes off the Lady. He could not fault them, Severus himself felt the awe and will to serve her until death. The little voice in his head that told him this reaction was unnatural and probably caused by magic was silenced quickly by the voices singing praises to the Lady.

He will love Her and serve Her. Forever. And he will despair for there was no hope She will ever notice him.

***************************

Party again. Death Eaters gathering together and celebrating another success. Nobody of course said it out loud, the party was namely a Halloween feast, but everybody knew. __

Why do we bother to carry those hoods in meetings? Everybody knows everyone anyway. 

Severus Snape had never been very found of parties and this particular one was no exception. He wanted to leave and quietly do some research. And maybe even dream about…

"Severus Snape."

He felt the hot wave coursing through his body, his knees were suddenly weak. That voice…

He turned to face Her.

"My Lady," he managed. His voice was shaky and filled with longing.

"I have seen you watching me." 

Her smile was mysterious and inviting. 

"We all watch you, My Lady. You are Heaven to our eyes."

He did not know where the words came from.

"My, how flattering. Yes, all watch, but you watch differently. They," dismissing gesture towards the other occupants of the room, 

"look at me with desire and jealousy. You, on the other hand," 

a white finger slowly brushed  his cheek, making him hot and dizzy, 

"you are not jealous. And you not only desire me, there is something more."

The hand cupped his face thumb stroking lightly over his lower lip.

"Y-yes, My Lady." 

He felt her warm breath ghost over his ear and shuddered involuntarily. The Lady bent closer and whispered to him:

"I think we should go somewhere more private and try to find out what exactly."

She took his hand and turned to leave the room. Severus followed her, dazed.

So it began.


	2. Chapter 2

Lady of Shadows 

Red hair. That's the only thing you remember of her. She probably had green eyes, too, because your father's are blue, but you are not sure. Just red hair. And maybe faint smell of lemon. 

You don't know her name. You could have asked your father, but you didn't. And you don't know why she left you. You have never asked that either.

Maybe she is dead.

The first thing you remember clearly is the orphanage. And then the day you saw a man and a woman talking to mistress Parly. Later you are told they have adopted you. They ask you to call them Mum and Dad. You agree because you don't want to go back to the orphanage. 

They think you do not understand but they still explain you that they want to have a second daughter – somebody their little Tuny could play with. Mum couldn't have any more children after Tuny, so they came to the orphanage and found you.

They like your green eyes and red hair. Like a little witch, Mum says. You just smile and nod yes.

Mum and Dad live in a nice house not far from London. You like it a lot when you step out of the car.

Then you meet your new sister. She is very nice to you while Mum and Dad are watching.

But later, when she shows you your room, she makes sure you know you are a stranger to the family.

An intruder.

You never call her Tuny again.

You go to school and do rather well. Better than your sister.

Mum and Dad are proud for you, but it makes your sister only more jealous.

One day she hits you.

It's nothing serious, it doesn't even hurt.

But it still does.

You never call her sister again.

You run off and hide. That's when that man finds you. 

At first you are a little afraid because you have been told to stay away from strangers. But he never hurts you – and you are not scared anymore.

When he asks why are you crying, you tell him. He listens and seems to understand. Maybe he does.

He tells you he'd like to see you again, if you wish to. You agree.

He says his name is Tom.

You and Tom meet quite often. You tell him stories about yourself and your life. He tells you stories about a wonderful world where magic exists and where there are real witches and wizards and many marvellous magical creatures.

You'd like to see a unicorn.

Sometimes you wonder what would it feel like to be a witch.

When you are eleven you get a letter. It is brought by an owl and the envelope is strange. The letter is addressed to you.

Your parents think it's some kind of joke. But you remember Tom telling you about Hogwarts – the school for witchcraft and wizardry.

When you meet Tom again you show him the letter.

He reads it, then gives it back to you and sits quietly for a long time. Finally he starts to talk, still not looking at you.

He tells you that he is a wizard. And he had a wife and they loved each other very much. He and his wife had a little daughter they loved very much, too. 

But then the dark times came and it was no longer safe. To protect his daughter he hid her away in the muggle world. Nobody found his daughter, she was safe from his enemies. In the end, she was adopted into a muggle family. And when it was time for her to start schooling, it was thought that she was a muggle-born witch. So she got her Hogwarts letter. 

He looks at you now.

But, he says, he couldn't be away from his daughter, so he went to see her never telling her who he was. 

And you understand.

You smile at him and say:

"Hello, Father."

He embraces you tightly and whispers:

"Hello, Little one."

You feel finally home in his arms.

Your name is Lilith Riddle.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: All the characters used in this story are the sole property of J.K Rowling (and some other big company whose name I do not remember. Sorry, no insults intended, just my bad memory). They are not mine. I take credit for the characters' actions and thoughts in this story, though (often used as they are).

The chapter title is a quote from Meat Loaf's song.

A/N: ************ means change of scene. Quite a lot of time passes between the scenes.

**I would do anything for love**

It was twilight. Long shadows covered the land. Last rays of sun were touching down here and there. One of them found it's way through a small window. It fell gently over the two sitting figures, highlighting the red fires in woman's hair.

The man and the woman had been sitting in the room quietly for long time.

The man finally broke the silence.

"I heard you have been spending much time with Severus Snape lately."

His daughter hesistated for a moment, then nodded.

"Yes, I enjoy his company very much."

That was not an explanation. She felt no need to explain herself. It was not needed either.

"You enjoy much more than just his company, I take it."

That was not a question. She didn't bother to answer.

"A good choice, I must say. Severus Snape is a very bright young man. Gifted in potions as well."

"Yes," Lilith grinned suddenly at her father.

"He's going to take the Master's tests soon. When he passes he will be the youngest Potions Master ever."

Her father nodded in agreement.

"Mhm. His talent in potions is one of the reasons he belongs to my inner circle. I still hope you have not done anything reckless."

"No, I'm not pregnant. I do not plan to have a child any time soon."

"I am sorry it's so difficult. I'd like to have some grandchildren."

"I thought you were planning to live forever, Father. What do you need grandchildren for?"

"The same I need you, Lilith. It is hard to be completely alone, even for me."

His daughter sighed theatrically and made a pouty face.

"And I thought you kept me close because you loved me, Father."

"Always and forever, Little One."

She smiled at him and for a moment he felt a little of the madness that caught other men in her presence.

"I love you too, Father."

They sat together in companionable silence. The man was pondering his daughter's problem. She was an offspring of two very powerful people. Her child would be extremely powerful in magic. And would have other special abilities, too. That would make the child dangerous. Not only to himself (although every ruler knows having a heir too talented is a possble danger to health), but also to the world. If that power were to get out of control... Well, let's say the effect would be quite similar to a supernova going off. The consequences too.

Still, he knew his daughter wanted to have a family, a child of her own. So adoption was not an option. 

Suddenly he had an idea.

"The Potters."

Lilith looked up, hearing her father's voice.

"The Potters? What about them?"

"The chance for you to have children. The Potter family is of Godric Gryffindor's line. They carry his blood. It's very powerful blood. If you were to have a child with a Potter, his heritage would cancel out yours. So there would be no danger."

Lilith was listening to him wih great attention.

"I know James Potter," she said. "He is my friend. I think if I'd ask him he wouldn't refuse."

"Mhm, yes. I remember you told me about him. You know, I have met his cousin Peter personally. There is one problem, though. Your child would be a squib."

She didn't seem to be dissapointed.

"I don't care. It would be my child, still."

Her father had another suggestion.

"You could try some of the Weasley boys. They are not direct decendants of Gryffindor, but they have the blood. The child woul have some magical potential that way."

"No, I think it's better not to risk. And I like James."

She sat for some time, deep in thought.

"Thinking about Severus?"

The question was unexpected. She knew what he was asking and she had no idea. Slowly, the answer came.

"I want to have a child. I can't have one with him. I like him, though. Maybe even... maybe even love him. I don't know. And I don't know for sure what he feels for me. He desires me, yes. And there is something between us, I just can't say what. If one day I am sure he loves me, I might tell him about the situation. It is possible he loves me enough not to forbid me  a child..."

She paused for a moment, clasping her hands together nervously.

"And then there's James. He's my friend. The first friend I ever had. I care for him and I know he cares for me. And if I'd let it go on this way, it's possible we could become something more... I just don't know."

Her father sat next to her and embraced her with one hand.

"Don't worry, everything will be alright. You don't have to make that decision today or tomorrow. It is possible in time the choice will become very clear and simple. And if it doesn't... Remember you don't have to do that alone."

She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Thank you, Father."

Lord Voldemort, the Dark Lord feared by all the wizarding world, sat in twilight embracing his daughter tightly.

*************************************************************

"Sir... Albus... I – I just don't know what to do. I think I love her... I love her so much. And I don't know what to do."

Albus Dumbldore looked at the young man sitting in front of him. A young man who was carring the burden far too heavy. He would have given much to take some of the boy's worries away, but he had no way. He knew he asked too much from Severus, but he needed a spy in Voldemort's circle and Severus was the only one he had. He just had no choice.

But maybe he could...

"Severus, do you think she could be persuaded to leave Voldemort and join us?"

By the look on Severus' face he could guess that the idea had not occured to the boy. That was bad – Severus was a very bright young man and would have thought about that possibility if there was a slightest chance of sucsess.

"Join us?"

Severus pondered the idea. It would be perfect, she could... but no.

"I don't know, Albus," he said slowly.

"I want to say yes, but... She never joins in the "fun" other Death Eaters have and has never taken part in raids. Still, she knows what the others are up to and has not said anything against it. And she doesn't seem to be afraid of Voldemort, so that is not the reason."

Severus smiled bitterly and added:

"She is probably the only one who is not afraid of Voldemort:"

He looked at his hands for a moment and then rised his eyes to meet Dumbledore's expective gaze.

"She seemes to enjoy the worship she gets being the Dark Lord's daughter and heir, all that. Maybe if I were sure or at least hoped she loves me I could convince her, but now... Albus, she has never told me she loves me, never done anything that could imply she feels something for me."

It hurt to speak those words, so he hesistated again.

"I just don't know. But if you ask me to guess... I'd like to say yes, but I'm afraid no is more likely."

Albus sighed quietly. The young man looked so defeated. And he could do nothing to make it better.

"Then do not ask her, Severus. I'm sorry, I can imagine how hard it is for you, but you can't put yourself at risk."

"Yes, I'm too valuable, aren't I? We can't afford to loose our only spy in Voldemort's circle, can we now?" 

His words were full of sarcasm, but that could not hide the pain he was feeling. He met Dumbledore's gaze. Old wizard's eyes were full of cmpassion and understanding. 

Damn, why couldn't he ever refuse anything the old man asked. Other people didn't have that kind of problems with their grandfathers...

"Severus. You may try to find out, but do not ask straight questions. Try not to be too obvious. There might be a chance that way."

Severus' eyes were full of gratitude and happiness.

"Thank you! Oh, thank you."

He rose and made his way to the door.

"There will be another meeting tonight. I'll see what I can do. I should be back by tomorrow evening. I will see you then."

"Be careful, Severus."

A quick flash of smile, so rare even in front of those he trusts.

"I will be, don't worry. I can change my nappies myself by now."

He's gone.

Albus looks at the doorway where Severus stood just a moment ago.

Oh, my child, if I could only hope... But no, I do not dare to hope. I am sorry, Severus, for causing you so much pain. Do be careful.

*****************************************************

"Severus."

Her voice. Her voice that he has not heard for so long.

He turns.

"My Lady."

"Why so cold, Severus? Is something wrong?"

He can't stop the words, they just stumble out...

"You, you left... Lady, you left and never said anything..."

Stop, deep breath.

"I am sorry, Lady. I have no right to question your decisions."

He looks over her shoulder, desperately trying not to feel her closeness.

She rises her hand and touches his cheek.

"I'm sorry, Severus. You have the right, I gave it to you. But I had to do something I could not tell anyone about. Still cannot."

He could never resist her, never. Even now he feels the pull.  He knows it's only the question of time. Why is he fighting it, then?

He doesn't know but still tries.

"You were away over eight months, and even before that we met so rarely. I was worried..."

"I thank you for caring so much. I am really sorry I made you worry. Will you ever forgive me?"

He knows he has lost the fight.

"My Lady... I love you so much."

Did he imagine the pain and regret flashing in her eyes?


	4. Chapter 4

****

A/N: This is from James' pov. Some of his prejudices show through.

****

Lady of Light

I never noticed her on the train in our first year. I was too exited at meeting somebody who shared my love for practical jokes – Sirius, of course – to be aware of anything else. 

Sirius was my first real friend. I mean Peter is nice enough and he's my cousin so we've sort of grown up together, but still… And of course with Sirius I also got Remus. We sometimes called Sirius Romulus, but he never liked the reference.

Too morbid, he said.

It was easy not to notice her, too. She was small and quiet and nothing interesting at that time. 

I don't remember her from the sorting ceremony either. Growing up in an old pureblood family I already knew which house I would probably be in and watched the sorting from that point of view. If she'd been a Slytherin I would have sneered at her, if she'd been a Gryffindor I would have cheered for her, if she'd been a Hufflepuff I'd have probably felt a bit sorry for her, but she was a Ravenclaw… Ravenclaws are always too independent and standoffish to actually be noticed. 

I had to admit my error later on the quidditch field, though. 

So, I didn't know her. 

My first years in Hogwarts were filled with every kind of imaginable mischief. They were also filled with friendship, some occasional crushes and secrets shared only among the Maradeurs. 

Much to my surprise I did quite well. I was the star quidditch player, but I also had a talent for Transfiguration and I became – sort of – professor Mcgonagall's pet student.

There were some subjects I _did not_ have talent for, though. I can't really count the cauldrons I melted or potions that should have been totally harmless but somehow became highly dangerous and explosive if it was I who made them. 

Understandably I was not professor D'Armant's pet. No, that position was reserved for Severus Snape. 

I didn't like the Slytherin a lot and there were quite many pranks played on him. But once, the joke got out of hand. Thinking about the possible consequences of Sirius' idiocity turned my sense of humor down for quite long. 

That was not a good period of time for the Maradeurs. Sirius and Remus weren't on speaking terms, I was brooding and Peter honestly couldn't understand what was wrong. For some reason we never told him.

But it was also the time I first became aware of the existence of one Lily Evans.

Actually, professor Mcgonagall asked me to tutor her in Transfigurations.

I'd seen and heard of Lily by that time, of course. We'd met in the perfect's meetings and I knew she was well on her way to becoming the next Head Girl. I also knew it wasn't easy to score with her at the goals. But that was sort of intellectual knowledge, we'd never actually talked to each other. 

But then came professor Mcgonagall's request and one evening Lily Evans entered my life.

If you are waiting for fireworks, you are going to be dissapointed – that was never the way between us. But friendship was, certainly. 

It was tentative at first, me teaching her Transfigurations and she helping me to catch up in Charms and Potions. I was lonely without the Maradeurs and I think she had no close friends at all. So we became sort of "shelter in the storm" for each other.

We told each other things, Lily and I, secrets. Not everything, of course, but we could talk about some of our worries and not be afraid of being laughed at. We understood each other. And trusted. 

I became to know that Lily was adopted and her stepsister hated her. She became the co-holder of the mystery of Maradeurs and the secret of Remus.

The latter was added by Remus who somehow became part of our little study group.

Next Lily did something – I think I'll never know what, and Sirius joined us. Of course, it was hard to keep Sirius from Remus for long – or the other way around. For werewolves the choice is for life. And then it was just natural to invite Peter, too.

So the Hogwarts quartet became a quintet. 

Lily never joined in on our jokes. That didn't keep her from enjoying them to the fullest, though. Like the time we turned all the Slytherins into red-gold squirrels. She almost choked on her pumpkin juice. 

It had actually been a spell of her's we used for the trick. Now that I think of it… We seem to have been using a a lot of her spells and ideas.

And so the schoolyears run past.

We stayed friends after leaving Hogwarts. Sometimes I dreamed of Lily. She was beautiful. 

And then Voldemort decided to make his move. 

We'd all heard rumors about Voldemort and his Death Eaters, of course, but we were well protected in Hogwarts and nobody wanted to worry the "children". So we were totally unprepared. 

We learnt as we fought. I saw many people, many _friends_ die. But I survived and kept fighting. Sirius, Remus and Peter were always by my side.

We saw less and less of Lily. She never told us where she went or what she was doing. I suspect she worked for the Ministery. 

Somehow the less I saw her, the more I missed her.

Then came the three months period nobody had any news of her. I don't care to remember that time much. 

One night she knocked on my door. I was too glad to see her to ask where she had been. And I didn't question much when she showed me she wanted more than friendship from me. 

She kept returning to me. I was happy.

Couple of weeks later she discovered she was pregnant and we decided to get married. 

Lily didn't ask that from me, I proposed.

You see, I knew the baby couldn't be mine. The reason my parents had often mourned about, the reason I hadn't used any protection with Lily was that I couldn't sire a child. And no magic could help me.

I knew Lily well and I knew she would not have come to me just to have a husband and a father to her child. The only thing that would have made her decieve me so was the need to protect the baby she was carring. I didn't know from what or who, but for Lily to act like that… It must be something really bad. She has never told me what and I have never asked.

So I proposed and she accepted. It hurt a little, knowing I was not the one she loved. But she cared about me and entrusted me with her child. It meant something, after all.

And she gave me a chance to have a child. 

I looked into her eyes as we said our wedding vows and saw that she knew of my knowledge. Everything was all right.

We told my parents that Lily, good with spells and potions as she was, had found a way for us to have a child and she was pregnant now. My parents were exalted.

When the boy was born I put a charm Lily and I had created on him. A charm to make him look like me. But before casting the spell I held him in my arms and looked at him.

Looked at Lily's child. 

At our child.

At my child.

And it was all I ever needed to know.

We named him Harry.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** I thank Furies, Crunchy Snape, Katy999 and Lavinia Lavender for reviewing. I hope you like the next chapter as well.

Chapter title is a quote from Patty Smyth's song. "Sometimes love just ain't enough"

**There's a danger in loving somebody too much******

It was almost night. Darkness covered the land and moon cast her light over the land making everything seem alien and strange. 

In the cottage its inhabitants were enjoying a quiet evening.

A man was sitting in a big armchair next to the fireplace. He had always liked warm and watcing the fire. It was so rare that one felt warm in the orphanage and he had almost always been cold.

The man was deep in thought. So deep that he didn't notice his companion moving at first. 

Quiet hissing filled the room. The big snake coiled slowly rising its head to look at his master. Only now did the man take notice.

"What is it, Nagini? Did you See anything?"

"Your daughter'sss child ssshall be the one who dessstroysss you."

"It's not possible. She married that Potter, the Gryffindor's heir. He is the only one who's blood cancels hers. Their child is a squib. I would have never allowed her to have a child otherwise."

The man was getting irritated. What was the meaning of this nonsense?

"The child isss not Pottersss."

"Not Potters? That stupid girl! Probably got herself pregnant and was too softhearted to terminate the child. In a way I understand her, but... What an idiotic thing to do. I told her to be careful! Who's child is it then, Snape's?" 

"I do not Sssee, Massster. But the boy isss powerful." 

"It is too dangerous to let the child live. I suppose I could try to rise him to obey and follow me... "

The man fell silent, considering the possible solutions. Finally he made the decision.

"No, there would always be the danger. I cannot allow that. How could she do sometyhing so stupid!"

"I do not know, Massster."

"She told me Peter Pettigrew was their secret keeper... I guess I'll just have to ask  him where she lives. It should be easy. Lilith will be sad, but she can always have another child. This time with Potter, though."

The man concentrated to call his servant to him.

In a small pub the man named Peter Pettigrew suddenly clutched his arm and made a hasty exit. Everybody in the pub were too caught up in having good time to notice him leaving.

**********************************************

A nice little cottage. Knocking at the door like any regular visitor. The irony – he was actually coming to visit his daughter like any father would. 

It's not Lilith who openes the door. He looks into Potters startled eyes that widen with recognition. Damned Pettigrew, he told Potter would be out tonight.

"Lily, take Harry and go! It's Him! Go! Run! I'll stall him..."

"James?"

Her voice from upstairs.

The young man calls his wand and rises it to cast a spell. 

He cannot allow that. Almost against his will his lips whisper the words he has used so often.

The green light rushes out from his wand. The body falls as if in slow motion. He has to say Lilith he is sorry, he had no other choice.

**********

We have wonderful time. I'm happy I decided to skip the meeting and stay home. I have had too little time with my family, lately. The boy in my arms is getting sleepy, he yawns repeatedly. My little son... 

_I rise my head and look into the happy green eyes of my wife. She rises from the couch and comes to me._

_"Give me Harry, I'll take him upstairs to sleep and then we can have the rest of the night for ourselves."_

_I kiss my son good night on his forehead. He giggles sleepily. I give him to Lily and he curles up in her arms. Lily smiles at me and climbs the stairs to the nursery._

_Somebody's knocking at the door. Who the hell...? It better not be somebody from the Ministery coming to ruin my quiet evening with my family. I stand up and walk to answer the door._

_I open the door and look at the man standing outside. _

_Oh Merlin, if it only were somebody from the Ministery!_

_Voldemort._

_Voldemort is standing at my doorstep._

_How? The Fidelius was supposed to make it impossible. He must have..._

_Peter, my friend, are you even alive stil? We shouldn't have put you in such danger..._

_Voldemort takes a step forward. I can't, I can't let him have Harry and Lily._

_I call for my wand, yelling to Lily:_

_"Lily, take Harry and go! It's Him! Go! Run! I'll stall him..."_

_I hope she hears me, I hope she gets out in time._

_I rise my hand, but he is quicker. As I see the green light rushing towards me I can see his eyes. He seems surprised, why..._

_Then..._

_Lily, did I give you enough time to save our son?_

_****************_

"James? James!" 

She stands up on the stairway holding the little boy.

The child looks so much like Potter. For a moment he hesistates – was it possible Nagini made a mistake? But no, he can feel it now – there is power in that child, power beyond his imagination. The baby cannot be Potters. It's probably some charm, Lilith is good with those. 

"What are you doing here? Where is..." 

Her gaze falls on her husband's body.

"James!"

Then she turns to him.

"You! Why did you..."

"Give me the child, Lilith."

She holds her child to herself tightly, feeling the danger.

"What do you want from Harry?"

"I know he is not James Potter's son. He is too dangerous, give him to me!"

Lilith shakes her head and backs into the nursery. He climbs the stairs, following her.

"You know I have to do this. Give him to me and leave. You don't have to see this."

She puts the boy into his bed and covers him with her body.

"Not Harry! Not Harry! Please – I'll do anything."

Her voice, begging and pleading  How can't she see this is the only possibility. She is on his way...

"Stand aside. Stand aside, you silly girl!"

"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead-"

Is she really ready to die for her son? Would his mother have been...

"Not Harry! Please... have mercy... have mercy..."

Again he is like a distant onlooker, watching his hand rise and hearing his lips whisper:

"Avada Kedavra!"

The time starts moving again and he is not quick enough to catch her when she falls.

*********

_You take Harry from James and walk towards the stairs. You love the times when all of you are together, like tonight. There has been too little of that, lately. The war with Voldemort is getting worser and worser by day. And it seems his opponents are loosing. _

_You don't know what to do. Sometimes it feels like there are two different people in you. Two different women with two different lives, two different loyalties, two different loves. The only thing that unites them is your son. Harry. _

_Sometimes you think you are just afraid to let them become one. Deep down you know that you are a coward._

_The nursery is on the second floor. You climb the stairs slowly. Soon Harry will be asleep and you will be alone with James. You are waiting for that. And tomorrow James will go to work again and you will have time to visit... You are waiting for that, too. _

_You take Harry's  nightclothes to put them on. The little imp giggles at you happily but he is sleepy. You are picking him up again to put him into his bed when you hear James' voice:_

_"Lily, take Harry and go! It's Him! Go! Run! I'll stall him..."_

_What?_

_You call for him:_

_"James?"_

_You can hear a whoosh of air and dull thud downstairs. You run to the stairs still holding Harry in your arms. _

_"James? James!" _

_He is there, your father. _

_Why has he come, what has happened..._

_"Father, what are you doing here? Where is..."_

_And then you see the body lying on the floor. Motionless body._

Oh James, what have I done?

_"James!"_

_But why, why did he... You look at your father._

_"You! Why did you..."_

_His eyes fall on the child in your arms. _

_"Give me the child, Lilith."_

_And then you know. But you still hope it's something else._

_"What do you want wih Harry?"_

_"I know he is not Potters' son. He is too dangerous, give him to me!"_

_No hope. You can't let him take your son, no matter what. And you back away._

_"No!"_

_"You know I have to do this. Put him down and leave. You do not have to see this."_

_You listen to his voice, so rational and calm. You have believed everything he has told you, but now... You would not see but you would still know._

_Never!_

_And then you know you will die. There is no way you can survive this. But if _you_ don't, then maybe..._

_You might have listened to your father and not developed your powers because he said they were too dangerous, but there are still things you know and can do._

_You put Harry in his bed and cover him with your body. There was a spell you read about, a spell to..._

_You continue pleading, not really paying attention to what you are saying. You concentrate on something far more important. If somebody has two lives, he won't die if one is taken away... _

_You know you have succeeded when your body grows cold and your vision darkens. As if from far away you can hear the two most feared words in the wizarding world. It only makes you want to laugh.  _Father, you can't kill somebody who is already dead.

As something pulls you away from your son, from your body you remember someone. 

Severus,  I'm sorry I never told you...

James, whereever you are, please wait for me.

*********

She lies on the floor, motionless. Green eyes wide open, the unseeing gaze turned to the brightly coloured celing. 

He kneels down next to her.

"Silly, silly girl..." 

Something prickles in his eyes. For some reason his throath feels sore.

His hand brushes her hair away from her face gently.

"Lilith..."

Baby's wail wakes him from the memories. He rises his head slowly and looks at the crying infant. Suddenly the world is spinnig, out of control...

Lilith 

"She died because of you!"

He points his wand.

"Avada Kedavra!"


	6. Epilogue

And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much   
And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.   
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are   
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

_Patty Smyth__ "Sometimes love just ain't enough"___

****

**Epilogue**

9 am Severus Snape crashed through his door. 

"Albus, Albus! Last night something happened to Voldemort, then all the Dark Marks went inactive. He's nowhere to be found. There's big confusion among the Death Eaters right now and there was a raid in the morning, I barely escaped the Aurors but many were captured…" 

He stopped aruptly at the sight of Dumbledore's face.

"Albus, what has happened?"

For some time Albus Dumbledore studied the younger man. When he finally answered, his voice was old and tired.

"I guess you didn't know. Voldemort… Voldemort went to Godrics Hollow last night and killed the Potters."

"What! But I thought they were protected! The Fidelius charm… Nobody knew where to find them!"

"Nobody except for the secret keeper. It seems Sirius is a supporter of Voldemort. He gave them up and he has also killed Peter."

"Black," venom was spilling from Severus' voice. "I told you he was dangerous, I told you he could not be trusted…"

He stopped seeing the anguish on Albus' face.

"Oh, I'm sorry Albus, I didn't mean to… There was no way you could know… And I did not find out about Voldemort's plans to get the Potters. I would have told you otherwise, I swear!"

"I know, Severus. But you told me your fears about Sirius and I never considered them. For that I am sorry too. And do not worry, you are not under suspicion." 

He looked at Severus with a determined look on his face.

"But we do not have time for regret right now. We have to decide our futher actions."

Severus nodded to show he was listening.

"There is something else going on, am I right?"

"Yes, and it's connected to your news. You see, Voldemort killed James and Lily, but when he cast the killing curse on Harry, something happened. The curse pounced back to him, almost not harming the child. Young Harry now has a wound on his forehead and Voldemort has ceased to exist. The wizarding world is celebrating." 

Dumbledore's expression turned  sombre.

"At least that's what seems to have happened."

"Voldemort's gone? But Albus, if he were truly dead this," Severus folded back his sleeve and pointed at his Dark Mark, "would be gone, too. So he isn't actually…"

"Yes, you are right. But he has lost his body and his spirit is extremely weak. Still, there is nothing we can do, he is out of our reach at the moment. We just have to be prepared for the possibility that he will come back."

"Oh, he will. He is too far gone to give up so easily and he has enough mindless followers who shall search for a way to bring him back. Even in all their incompetence somebody will finally stumble upon the right spell or whatever is needed. Celebrating, you say? Those fools!"

Dumbledor held his ex-student's gaze.

"As unpleasant as it is to me, I must agree with you. And that brings us to another thing. I promised you will be cleared from all the charges and not sent to Axzkaban. There will be a trial but you will not be sentenced, I guarantee you. However, I ask you to come to Hogwarts, to teach, after you are cleared. Will you?"

"To teach? Why? What subject?"

"You would make a very fine Potions teacher. Mistress D'Armant has decided to retire and recomended you as her possibble sucessor. As to why..."

Albus hesistated, searhing for a way to explain his point better.

"Cornelius Fudge is gaining influence. Even if he is not the next Minister of Magic, he will get the place in the election after that. And no matter how competent ha can be in other things, he certainly is not suited to guide the country during wartime. So we can be faced with the situation where we have a dark wizard gaining power and Ministery not able to do anything about it. I am trying to gather a group of people able to deal with that kind of situation. Something like the Order of Phoenix, only in peacetime. Some people have already agreed. Unfortunately Remus Lupin has not, preferring to keep his previous job."

"It's understandable," Severus muttered, deep in thought.

"I can understand and sympathize with his situation, but I would like to have him in the staff, still." 

"Well, maybe in time he will be. But thinking about the parents' reaction to a werewolf teaching..." 

Severus cast a considering look at the older man.

"Although, I suppose you would find a way to deal with that." 

With a shrug he dismissed the issue.

"Albus, do you really think I could handle teaching? It's not like I have many choises. This," long fingers brushed the tattoo on his arm, "cut's the possibilities rather short. And I don't have a family to crawl back to, either."

"I am sure, Severus. I know you well, and I trust Mistress D'Armant's judgement."

"I guess you can count me in, then."

"Thank you. And Severus, you do have a family to "crawl back to" or just walk, I promise."

Severus answered his words with a faint smile.

They sat together silently for some time, young man trying to make up his mind and Albus waiting for the question he knew was coming. 

Finally Severus decided.

"Albus, do you know… I have no information about the Lady. She was not in the meeting with us and none of the others seem to know anything about her. I suppose you don't..."

Dumbledore sighed in his mind. It was hard...

"No Severus, I have no news. I am sorry. I will ask around in the Ministery and on the trials, maybe somebody knows something. Let's hope for the best."

Severus knew the chances of getting any news that way were not great, but it was the only way he had. So he waited and hoped.

But the news never came.

**************************************************

Life went on.

The Boy Who Lived was sent to live with his muggle relatives. 

Severus Snape started working in Hogwarts. There were curriculums to prepare, students to teach (and give detentions to). And even the most painful memories fade in time.

So only sometimes he stood outside looking at the stars.

Only sometimes he whispered into the night:

"My Lady, where are you?"

There was no answer.

The End

**Author's endnotes: Ok, I finally finished one of my fics. A great accomplishment for me. **

It turned out a bit different than I planned. Sorry it's so jumpy (no real connection between the scenes, etc), but actually it's meant to be that way. I usually write oneshots and this is in a way a series of short fics connected by the characters and plotline (at least, it seems like that to myself). I hope you liked the story.

You probably noticed many things were not explained or left hanging (I know there were also plot holes). I am planning a sequel – the usual Harry and Snape find out and deal with the situation. I do not know when it will be coming – sometimes in the forseeable future, I think (but there is real life and university to deal with so it might take some time). 


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